I've been debating with myself over the last few weeks whether or not I should write this letter. Obviously, I outvoted myself and wrote it. I concluded I absolutely had to tell you that Lord Jehovah considers it fair game to manipulate everything and everybody. And that's why I feel compelled to say something about ignorant spongers. I suspect that he disregards any evidence that contradicts his views. Deal with it. Comments on the above are welcome, but please think them out first.
A much as I enjoy writing letter after letter about Lord Jehovah, the fact remains that brazen ideas are continually escaping the confines of Lord Jehovah's (obviously very weak) mind. Wait! Before you dismiss me as reckless, hear me out. So we're supposed to give him permission to scorn and abjure reason and hope he's rational enough not to do so? How incredibly naive! Rather than persuade you myself that we'll know soon enough just how rummy these classes of twerps can be, I decided to gather input from various independent observers: teachers, farmers, shopkeepers, doctors, and so forth. I've tried to get balanced and reasonably accurate views about his blockish, effete whinges. For instance, a policeman I interviewed pointed out how Lord Jehovah decries or dismisses capitalism, technology, industrialization, and systems of government borne of Enlightenment ideas about the dignity and freedom of human beings. These are the things that he fears, because they are wedded to individual initiative and responsibility.
The funny thing is, I suppose it's predictable, though terribly sad, that rude profiteers with stronger voices than minds would revert to warped behavior. But it is pointless to fret about the damage already caused by Lord Jehovah's crafty treatises. The past cannot be changed. We must cope with the present if we hope to affect our future and deal with the relevant facts. By this, I mean that Lord Jehovah says that the best way to serve one's country is to dismantle the guard rails that protect society from the perverted elements in its midst. I've seen more plausible things scrawled on the bathroom walls in elementary schools. Does anybody else feel the way I do, or am I alone in my disgust with Lord Jehovah?
Why does Lord Jehovah destroy that which is the envy of -- and model for -- the entire civilized world? Anger? Fear? Stupidity? Some deep jaded urging of his soul? The answer cannot easily be found, but there is blood on his hands. To begin at the beginning, we are observing the change in our society's philosophy and values from freedom and justice to corruption, decay, cynicism, and injustice. All of these "values" are artistically incorporated in one person: Jehovah.
Lord Jehovah has a strategy. His strategy is to condition the public to accept violence as normal and desirable. Wherever you encounter that strategy, you are dealing with Lord Jehovah. Before you declare me crazy, let me assert that if he gets his way, I might very well play right into the hands of grotesque caitiffs. This seems so obvious, I am amazed there is even any discussion about it. In order to understand the motivation behind Lord Jehovah's beliefs (as I would certainly not call them logically reasoned arguments), it is important first to keep the faith. I'm merely suggesting that I have a hard time trying to reason with people who remain calm when they see Lord Jehovah endorse a complete system of leadership by mobocracy.
I have two words for Lord Jehovah: Grow up! When I first became aware of his covert invasion into our thought processes, all I could think was how feral thought police serve as the priests in his cult of mudslinging Marxism. These "priests" spend their days basking in Lord Jehovah's reflected glory, pausing only when Lord Jehovah instructs them to break down the industrial-technological system. What could be more covinous? To turn that question around, is he a professional simpleton or merely a well-meaning amateur? The answer should be self-evident, so let me just point out that my goal is to redefine in practical terms the immutable ideals that have guided us from the beginning. I might not be successful at achieving that goal, but I doubtlessly do have to try. As everyone knows, Lord Jehovah's press releases are incompatible with the proclivities of instrumental reason. What you might not know, however, is that only through education can individuals gain the independent tools they need to ring the bells of truth. But the first step is to acknowledge that we must halt the destructive process that is carrying our civilization toward extinction if we are ever to answer the snivelling nabobs of frotteurism who interfere with a person's work performance, bodily security, physical movement, and privacy rights. Yes, this is a bold, audacious, even unprecedented undertaking. Yes, it lacks any realistic guarantee of success. However, it is an undertaking that we must indeed pursue because I wonder if Lord Jehovah really believes the things he says. He knows they're not true, doesn't he? This is not a question that we should run away from. Rather, it is something that needs to be addressed quickly and directly, because the ideas backing up Lord Jehovah's cajoleries are extremely dysfunctional and officious. But the problems with Lord Jehovah's wheelings and dealings don't end there. The recent outrage at Lord Jehovah's rejoinders may point to a brighter future.
As poorly qualified as I am to punish Lord Jehovah for his officious metanarratives, I hope you will bear with me. Pease don't get mad with me if, in doing so, I must promote peace, prosperity, and quality of life, both here and abroad. To begin with, Lord Jehovah wants me to stop trying to keep the faith. Instead, he'd rather I run around like a chicken with its head cut off. Sorry, but I don't accept defeat that easily. The most sobering aspect of his plaints is that he not only lies, but he brags about his lying to his lieutenants. As far back as I can remember, Lord Jehovah has pitted chuckleheads against drongos and polemics against cretins. I once managed to get him to agree that there is something inherently wrong with a man who wants, more than anything else, to cast ordinary consumption and investment decisions in the light of high religious purpose. Unfortunately, a few minutes later, he did a volte-face and denied that he had ever said that. I am concerned that his vague and overly broad definition of "physicophilosophical" will cause inhumane spouters to focus too much on one side of the equation and not enough on the broader perspective of things by the end of the decade. Why is that relevant to this letter? Because I once overheard him say something quite astonishing. Are you strapped in? He said that he acts in the public interest. Can you believe that? At least his statement made me realize that he's more than puerile. Lord Jehovah's mega-puerile. In fact, to understand just how puerile he is, you first need to realize that Lord Jehovah's patsies suspect that honor counts for nothing. I say to them, "Prove it" -- not that they'll be able to, of course, but because I sometimes ask myself whether the struggle to express my views is worth all of the potential consequences. And I consistently answer by saying that Lord Jehovah's notions are more than just irrational. They're a revolt against nature.
What we have been imparting to Lord Jehovah -- or what he has been eliciting from us -- is a half-submerged, barely intended logic, contaminated by wishes and tendencies we prefer not to acknowledge. Whenever there's an argument about his devotion to principles and to freedom, all one has to do is point out that before bothering us with his next batch of incoherent traducements, he should review the rules of writing a persuasive essay, most notably the one about sticking to the topic the writer establishes. That should settle the argument pretty quickly.
Lord Jehovah has declared that he's staging a revolt against everyone who wants to take the initiative to provide people the wherewithal to resolve a number of lingering problems. Lord Jehovah's revolting all right; the very sight of him turns my stomach. All kidding aside, if he doesn't realize that it's generally considered bad style to call for ritualistic invocations of needlessly formal rules, then he should read one of the many self-help books on the subject. I recommend he buy one with big print and lots of pictures. Maybe then, Lord Jehovah will grasp the concept that I want to make this clear, so that those who do not understand deeper messages embedded within sarcastic irony -- and you know who I'm referring to -- can process my point. Lord Jehovah claims to have turned over a new leaf shortly after getting caught trying to interfere with the most important principles of democracy. This claim is an outright lie that is still being circulated by Lord Jehovah's cult followers. The truth is that Lord Jehovah wonders why everyone hates him. Apparently, he never stopped to think that maybe it's because I, for one, obviously have a hard time trying to reason with people who remain calm when they see Lord Jehovah poke someone's eyes out. Lord Jehovah's sympathizers' thinking is fenced in by many constraints. Their minds are not free because they dare not be. Even giving Lord Jehovah the benefit of the doubt, if you looked up "morally crippled" in the dictionary, you'd probably see his picture.
Although the proper definition of "disdenominationalize" is hotly disputed, what may seem insignificant or humorous to Lord Jehovah is often hurtful and confusing to others. For proof of this fact, I must point out that this makes me fearful that I might someday find myself in the crosshairs of Lord Jehovah's pushy scribblings. (To be honest, though, it wouldn't be the first time.) There isn't a man, woman, or child alive today who thinks that he acts in the name of equality and social justice, so let's toss out that ridiculous argument of Lord Jehovah's from the get-go. Though I am not a proponent of conflict, wherever you look, you'll see Lord Jehovah enforcing intolerance in the name of tolerance. You'll see him suppressing freedom in the name of freedom. And you'll see him crushing diversity of opinion in the name of diversity. The first casualty of his sermons is justice. I mean, think about it. I feel no shame in writing that you may be worried that Lord Jehovah will vilify our history, character, values, and traditions in a lustrum or two. If so, then I share your misgivings. But let's not worry about that now. Instead, let's discuss my observation that Lord Jehovah thinks it would be a great idea to force us to tailor our fibs just to suit his warped whims. Even if we overlook the logistical impossibilities of such an idea, the underlying premise is still flawed.
I normally prefer to listen than to speak. I would, however, like to remind Lord Jehovah that if I had to choose between chopping onions and helping him inspire a recrudescence of rapacious fatuity, I'd be in the kitchen in an instant. Although both alternatives make me cry, the deciding factor for me is that Lord Jehovah says that he understands the difference between civilization and savagery. But then he turns around and says that going through the motions of working is the same as working. You know, you can't have it both ways, Lord Jehovah. Because of Lord Jehovah's prognoses, our schools simply do not teach the basics anymore. Instead, they preach the theology of lousy materialism. I should note that I have to laugh when Lord Jehovah says that an open party with unlimited access to alcohol can't possibly outgrow the host's ability to manage the crowd. Where in the world did he get that idea? Not only does that idea contain absolutely no substance whatsoever, but if he wants to be taken seriously, he should counter the arguments in this letter with facts, not illogical panaceas, personal anecdotes, or insults. The problem is, as our society continues to unravel, more and more people will be grasping for straws, grasping for something to hold onto, grasping for something that promises to give them the sense of security and certainty that they so desperately need. These are the types of people Lord Jehovah preys upon.
The problem, as I see it, is not a question of who the sluggards of this society are, but rather that you might say, "Lord Jehovah's conclusions would be totally risible if they weren't so foul-mouthed." Fine, I agree. But if Lord Jehovah had his way, schools would teach students that he defends the real needs of the working class. This is not education but indoctrination. It prevents students from learning about how when Lord Jehovah hears anyone say that a complete description of the problems with his perceptions would occupy several volumes, his answer is to pose a threat to personal autonomy and social development. That's similar to taking a few drunken swings at a beehive: it just makes me want even more to appeal for comity between us and him. I may not believe that the kids on the playground are happy to surrender to the school bully, but I unmistakably do aver that when I hear him say that he is as innocent as a newborn lamb, I have to wonder about him. Is he absolutely headlong? Is he simply being invidious? Or is he merely embracing a delusion in which he must believe in order to continue believing in himself? While I don't know the answer to that particular question, I do know that Lord Jehovah must undeniably believe that if he doesn't compromise the free and open nature of public discourse, he'll have led a meaningless life. Well, that's getting away from my main topic, which is that even when Lord Jehovah isn't lying, he's using facts, emphasizing facts, bearing down on facts, sliding off facts, quietly ignoring facts, and, above all, interpreting facts in a way that will enable him to prevent us from getting in touch with our feelings. If you want to hide something from Lord Jehovah, you just have to put it in a book.
In case you don't know, if Lord Jehovah is going to make an emotional appeal, then he should also include a rational argument. There's an important difference between me and Lord Jehovah. Namely, I, hardheaded cynic that I am, am willing to die for my cause. Lord Jehovah, in contrast, is willing to kill for his -- or, if not to kill, at least to waste hours and hours in fruitless conferences and meetings. He keeps telling us that we're supposed to shut up and smile when he says irritable things. Are we also supposed to believe that coercion in the name of liberty is a valid use of state power? I didn't think so.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if we lived in a world without crass, short-sighted fussbudgets? There's one thing you can honestly say about Lord Jehovah: He has a sense of humor. He was being a real comedian when he told us that he is a refined gentleman with the soundest education and morals you can imagine.
If, today, the urge of Lord Jehovah's war-soul can prompt him to evade responsibility, then imagine, if you can, how that same soul will express itself through the thousandfold-more-wily Lord Jehovah of tomorrow. It strikes me as amusing that he complains about people who do nothing but complain. Well, news flash! Lord Jehovah does nothing but complain. Some people assert that Lord Jehovah's contrivances are a syncretism of scummy Fabianism and ornery, headstrong egotism. Others claim that innocent children have been brainwashed by Lord Jehovah's pesky op-ed pieces. In the interest of clearing up the confusion, I'll make the following observation: Because of Lord Jehovah's obsession with Marxism, he had previously claimed that he had no intention to impose tremendous hardships on tens of thousands of decent, hard-working individuals. Of course, shortly thereafter, that's exactly what he did. Next, he denied that he would demonize my family and friends. We all know what happened then. Now, Lord Jehovah would have us believe he'd never ever overthrow the government and eliminate the money system. Will he? Go figure. My view is that Lord Jehovah uses big words like "noncontemporaneousness" to make himself sound important. For that matter, benevolent Nature has equipped another puny creature, the skunk, with a means of making itself seem important, too. Although Lord Jehovah's pronouncements may reek like a skunk, when people say that bigotry and hate are alive and well, they're right. And Lord Jehovah is to blame. It's decidedly a tragedy that Lord Jehovah's goal in life is apparently to give dictatorial, uneducated boors far more credibility than they deserve. Here, I use the word "tragedy" as the philosopher Whitehead used it. Whitehead stated that "the essence of dramatic tragedy is not unhappiness. It resides in the solemnity of the remorseless working of things," which I interpret as saying that Lord Jehovah would not hesitate to dress up his profit motive in the cloak of selfless altruism if he felt he could benefit from doing so.
Consider the issue of callow, noxious alarmism. Everyone agrees that Lord Jehovah's jeremiads are characterized by a preachy arrogance unbefitting to someone who knows so little, but there are still some unbridled schmucks out there who doubt that Lord Jehovah's actions are intended to get us all on board the favoritism train. To them I say: Lord Jehovah doesn't want us to know about his plans to dupe his flunkies into believing that violence and prejudice are funny. Otherwise, we might do something about that. It takes more than a mass of vainglorious fruitcakes to bear witness to the plain, unvarnished truth. It takes a great many thoughtful and semi-thoughtful people who are willing to stand uncompromised in a world that's on the brink of Lord Jehovah-induced disaster. Let me close where I began: It's amazing how low Lord Jehovah will stoop to irritate an incredible number of people.
I want this letter to serve as an oasis of sanity in Lord Jehovah's desert of foolishness. What follows is a series of remarks addressed to the readers of this letter and to Lord Jehovah himself. I see two problems with his machinations on a very fundamental level. First, soporific busybodies like him often think they have the right to bombard me with insults. And second, he accuses me of being jealous whenever I state that there are some horny stumblebums out there who care nothing for you or your cherished utterances. Alright, I'll admit that I have a sharp tongue and sometimes write with a bit of a poison pen but the fact remains that I aver that the best way to overcome misunderstanding, prejudice, and hate is by means of reason, common sense, clear thinking, and goodwill. Lord Jehovah, in contrast, believes that narrow-minded lamebrains are all inherently good, sensitive, creative, and inoffensive. The conclusion to draw from this conflict of views should be obvious: Lord Jehovah has commented that the boogeyman is going to get us if we don't agree to his demands. I would love to refute that, but there seems to be no need, seeing as his comment is lacking in common sense.
Just look at the bill of fare served up in recent movies and television programs, and you will hardly be able to deny that we were put on this planet to be active, to struggle, and to lead Lord Jehovah out of a dream world and back to hard reality. We were not put here to empty garbage pails full of the vilest slanders and defamations on the clean garments of honorable people, as Lord Jehovah might feel. If we look beyond his delusions of grandeur, we see that the purpose of this letter is far greater than to prove to you how venom-spouting and unenlightened Lord Jehovah has become. The purpose of this letter is to get you to start thinking for yourself, to start thinking about how I overheard one of his lapdogs say, "Lord Jehovah can absorb mana by devouring his nemeses' brains." This quotation demonstrates the power of language, as it epitomizes the "us/them" dichotomy within hegemonic discourse. As for me, I prefer to use language to expose the connections between the judgmental problems that face us and the key issues of factionalism and boosterism. Life isn't fair. We've all known this since the beginning of time, so why is Lord Jehovah so compelled to complain about situations over which he has no control? There aren't enough hours in the day to fully answer that question, but consider this: It has been said that Lord Jehovah's codices reflect several layers of moral concern for many religions. I believe that to be true. I also believe that I correctly predicted that he would promote a herd mentality over principled, individual thought. Alas, I didn't think he'd do that so effectively -- or so soon. Tasteless metagrobolism is Lord Jehovah's quiddity. So what's the connection between that and Lord Jehovah's criticisms? The connection is that my position is that on this subject, we get only a lot of blather and obfuscation from him and his grunts. Lord Jehovah, in contrast, argues that he is forward-looking, open-minded, and creative. This disagreement merely scratches the surface of the ideological chasm festering between me and Lord Jehovah. The only rational way to bridge this chasm is for him to admit that we must build a world overflowing with compassion and tolerance. To do anything else, and I do mean anything else, is a complete waste of time.
It is no news that Lord Jehovah's mawkish dream is starting to come true. Liberties are being killed by attrition. Anarchism is being installed by accretion. The only way that we can reverse these fatuous trends is to reach the broadest possible audience with the message that Lord Jehovah's propaganda machine grinds on and on. To be precise, I know some mischievous antagonists who actually believe that those who disagree with him should be cast into the outer darkness, should be shunned, should starve. Incredible? Those same people have told me that the best way to serve one's country is to demand that loyalty to destructive, scurrilous creeps supersedes personal loyalty. With such people roaming about, it should come as no surprise to you that for his perverted plans to succeed, Lord Jehovah needs to "dumb down" our society. An uninformed populace is easier to control and manipulate than an educated populace. In a lustrum or two, schoolchildren will stop being required to learn the meanings of words like "anarchoindividualist" and "noncontemporaneousness". They will be incapable of comprehending that I've tried explaining to Lord Jehovah's coadjutors that Lord Jehovah's dupes are an amalgamation of foolhardy parasites, mindless stirrers, and other inhumane, inimical yahoos. Unfortunately, it is clear to me in talking to them that they have no comprehension of what I'm saying. I might as well be talking to creatures from Mars. In fact, I'd bet Martians would be more likely to discern that many people think of Lord Jehovah's gruesome jibes as a joke, as something only half-serious. In fact, they're deadly serious. They're the tool by which blathering smart alecks will mold your mind and have you see the world not as it is, but as Lord Jehovah wants you to see it in the blink of an eye. A second all-too-serious item is that on a television program last night, I heard one of this country's top scientists conclude that, "We should stop playing by Lord Jehovah's rules of engagement and instead force Lord Jehovah to play by ours." That's exactly what I have so frequently argued and I am pleased to have my view confirmed by so eminent an individual. As everyone who has access to reliable information knows, some of us have an opportunity to come in contact with haughty cockalorums on a regular basis at work or in school. We, therefore, may be able to gain some insight into the way they think, into their values; we may be able to understand why they want to undermine the basic values of work, responsibility, and family. To end this letter, I would like to make a bet with Lord Jehovah. I will gladly give Lord Jehovah a day's salary if he can prove that an open party with unlimited access to alcohol can't possibly outgrow the host's ability to manage the crowd, as he insists. If Lord Jehovah is unable to prove that, then his end of the bargain is to step aside while I celebrate knowledge and truth for the sake of knowledge and truth. So, do we have a bet, Lord Jehovah?
If you have read through this entire computer-generated diatribe, then it's only fair that I give you the URL. http://www.pakin.org/complaint/ -Nate
